I was going to sleep early and wake up at dawn since I've grown to really enjoy that here... but I keep on hearing "China! China!" in my mind and it makes me fjakldfjslkag.
It happened today on my way to Damascus Gate as I passed by some men sitting out on the curb. With that sly, (in my eyes) mocking grin I've seen so many times, one of them calls out to me: "China! China!" The others laugh, and I cringe, want to yell at them to learn some other Asian countries, consider sitting down with them for a candid conversation about their reasons for calling out like that and how it affects me, and shrink in fear and anxiety, all at the same time.
Whether I'm in Philly, Madrid, Istanbul, Bethlehem, or Jerusalem, this happens to me on a pretty regular basis. I've grown to expect it, and am surprised when I don't hear it. It's always males, ranging from middle school to middle aged. Usually males of color for some reason. I've never heard "Ireland! Ireland!" called out to a redhead or "Mexico! Mexico" called out to a Latino. Both would also be irksome and ridiculous. Why "China"? It's obviously a big country. The standard go-to when it comes to anything Asian. Of course, "China! China!" bothers me because I'm not Chinese (sometimes, they also say, "nihowma" or "konichiwa"... not Japanese either), but it mostly bothers me because of how unsafe it makes me feel. The tone is most often mocking, with a disturbing flavor that makes me feel violated. I hate it. I feel like I'm simultaneously being made fun of for being Asian and claimed as a piece of female flesh to harass.
Some friends have attempted to make me feel better by claiming that they're trying to flirt with me. Okay. While it may flatter some people, I'd rather have them not see me at all. It makes me envy the women walking around in abayas. Really.
I'm sure the timid, cutsie stereotype of Asian girls doesn't help. Nor do those nasty ads in the back of city newspapers where stars and hearts cover private parts of coy looking Asian girls with fluffy bunny ears or something like that. That's why I dislike the bathroom at Fatty Crab in Manhattan so much... for shamelessly plastering their walls with those ads and screwing in a red light bulb. Blech. The food is good, but the bathroom alone makes me refuse to go back.
I sincerely hope that I haven't offended anyone by this post. And to family members: I am fine. I've learned to put on "la cara de pocos amigos," and move at a determined pace when necessary. I've developed a habit of covering my behind. I figured I'd vent a little and while I decided against getting into politics etc. in this space while I'm in Jerusalem of all places, it's not all chickpeas and bright flowers, so other points of tension may arise.
It happened today on my way to Damascus Gate as I passed by some men sitting out on the curb. With that sly, (in my eyes) mocking grin I've seen so many times, one of them calls out to me: "China! China!" The others laugh, and I cringe, want to yell at them to learn some other Asian countries, consider sitting down with them for a candid conversation about their reasons for calling out like that and how it affects me, and shrink in fear and anxiety, all at the same time.
Whether I'm in Philly, Madrid, Istanbul, Bethlehem, or Jerusalem, this happens to me on a pretty regular basis. I've grown to expect it, and am surprised when I don't hear it. It's always males, ranging from middle school to middle aged. Usually males of color for some reason. I've never heard "Ireland! Ireland!" called out to a redhead or "Mexico! Mexico" called out to a Latino. Both would also be irksome and ridiculous. Why "China"? It's obviously a big country. The standard go-to when it comes to anything Asian. Of course, "China! China!" bothers me because I'm not Chinese (sometimes, they also say, "nihowma" or "konichiwa"... not Japanese either), but it mostly bothers me because of how unsafe it makes me feel. The tone is most often mocking, with a disturbing flavor that makes me feel violated. I hate it. I feel like I'm simultaneously being made fun of for being Asian and claimed as a piece of female flesh to harass.
Some friends have attempted to make me feel better by claiming that they're trying to flirt with me. Okay. While it may flatter some people, I'd rather have them not see me at all. It makes me envy the women walking around in abayas. Really.
I'm sure the timid, cutsie stereotype of Asian girls doesn't help. Nor do those nasty ads in the back of city newspapers where stars and hearts cover private parts of coy looking Asian girls with fluffy bunny ears or something like that. That's why I dislike the bathroom at Fatty Crab in Manhattan so much... for shamelessly plastering their walls with those ads and screwing in a red light bulb. Blech. The food is good, but the bathroom alone makes me refuse to go back.
I sincerely hope that I haven't offended anyone by this post. And to family members: I am fine. I've learned to put on "la cara de pocos amigos," and move at a determined pace when necessary. I've developed a habit of covering my behind. I figured I'd vent a little and while I decided against getting into politics etc. in this space while I'm in Jerusalem of all places, it's not all chickpeas and bright flowers, so other points of tension may arise.
Ugh. So sorry you have to deal with this, Christina. I'm glad you're sharing some of the hard stuff you're dealing with in addition to the "chickpeas and bright flowers." Big Asian-sister-solidarity hugs from Vermont!
ReplyDelete:) hug joyfully received! Here's a hug back O~~~~~~(^__^)~~~~~~~O
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